A 2004 study by Association of Religion Data Archives revealed that many Americans are interested in becoming more spiritually connected to God. In fact, 33.8 percent of the 1,100 surveyed said this thought occupied their minds daily. Eleven percent, however, said they had no desire at all to be close to God.

We need look no further than the news headlines for multiple examples of failure among spiritual leaders. Whether it is a bad judgment call or a fall from grace, the flock is always disappointed when it finds out a religious leader has feet of clay.

Broken trust is hard to heal, says Bishop Noel Jones, a renowned theologian and senior pastor of the City of Refuge Church in Gardena, Calif. Focusing on God while forgiving men and women for their human frailties is part of the process toward healing and learning to trust again, he said. A trusted leader with more than 20 years as a seasoned counselor, Bishop Jones shared his insights on recovering from spiritual wounds with The Healing Continuum.

THC: How do people recover when they are hurt by those in the church?

Bishop Jones: Getting over hurts by anything and anyone is difficult and excruciating, especially when your experience and your expectation don’t collide. We expect our spiritual leaders to provide consolation, tranquility and strength; those are high expectations. We as clergy market the church and Jesus Christ in such a manner that an individual is promised a lot. Nowadays, you walk into a church with wicked and psychotic people in the pulpit, who are also gifted. But at the end of the day you can easily be left broken. Your expectation becomes trust, and when that trust is destroyed, it is not easy to regain. You must forgive yourself for trusting the individual(s). To properly heal, you should understand that no one is perfect and that it is healthy to trust. Having a personal relationship with God helps to put the situation in its proper perspective. In doing so, you will get your strength to heal from the messenger’s God not the messenger. Mankind is not the answer.

THC: How do I know what church is right for me?

Bishop Jones: Do you want a church that is philosophical or politically charged? Do you want a church that helps you handle the workplace? Do you want a church that helps you cope as a single parent? Or do you want a church that helps you deal with negative thoughts? However you choose, your decision should be made according to the message.

THC: What advice do you have for those who choose not to go to church but rather serve God in their own personal way?

Bishop Jones: Throughout history, the church has always been a place where tradition and wisdom can be passed down. We all need a mentor who can teach us about things we have no experience or knowledge of, like the Bible and spiritual issues. In the case of worshipping by yourself, you are in danger of misleading yourself.

Bishop Noel Jones is senior pastor of the City of Refuge Church in Gardena, Calif. His TV ministry “Fresh Oil” is featured on BET and the Church networks. To find out more about Bishop Jones and his ministry log on to www.noeljonesministries.org.

Entering the holiday season brings about a lot anxiety and depression for those of us who have lost loved ones. In fact, some mourners experience these emotions long after the passing of a loved one. As a professor of psychology, one expects that I should have a thorough grasp of all the right tools to help one through the process of grieving. That may have been true – until I lost the love of my life, my mother, this past August. Now the therapist is seeing grievance from a whole different perspective.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a world-renowned Swiss psychiatrist and author of the groundbreaking book “On Death and Dying” (Scribner Classics, $25.00), founded what is now referred to as the “Kubler-Ross model.” In this model, Dr. Kubler-Ross explained the five stages of grief. Although she died in 2004, Dr. Kubler-Ross said of her model’s stages, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives.”

The five stages of grief are:

1. Denial and isolation
2. At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
3. Anger
4. The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even though he or she is dead) or at the world. They may be angry with themselves for “letting” the death happen, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
5. Bargaining
6. The grieving person may attempt to make bargains with God, such as, “If I do this, will you take away the loss?”
7. Depression
8. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
9. Acceptance
10. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Some experts say shock , suffering and recovery are other initial stages of the grief process.

Shock: Depending on how the person died, whether suddenly or after an illness. Usually in cases with the latter, the loved one has had an opportunity to come to terms with the inevitable. Although when death comes, it still is painful for the loved one, time has given them the opportunity to reconcile their emotions.
Suffering: This aspect of grieving presents itself on different levels and will vary based on what life experiences have taught you. How close you were to the deceased and whether you had a healthy relationship with them, and your personality and coping style also affect your suffering. If you are someone who has difficulty dealing with everyday challenges, then coping with the loss of a loved one will be just as – if not more – difficult. If you are the type of person who handles challenges well and is strong by nature, you will be able to handle loss a little better. Whatever your feelings, express them, whether in tears or words. For some, physical activity such as running or walking can help release your emotions.
Recovery: This will depend on the type of support systems that are around you, as well as how well you reach out for help. The best suggestion I can offer is to seek out support groups. There are myriad of them available on the Internet. We have included links to five of them below this article. There are support groups that focus on various areas of grief. Some specialize in the loss of a spouse, others deal with the loss of a parent.

Be Watchful

Since there is no “correct” way to grieve, be certain to watch for indicators that may hint at what therapists call “maladaptive behavior.” Crying is healthy, and to a certain point, pulling away and wanting to be alone is healthy. Losing one’s appetite also is normal. During the initial phase of grieving for my mother, my nutrition consisted of protein shakes and a multivitamin. (I strongly suggest that you speak with your physician before making drastic changes to your diet.) The danger in grieving presents itself when an individual no longer cares for their personal hygiene and becomes inattentive to their overall health and welfare, and the welfare of others. Depression is normal as indicated above, except if it includes these behaviors. Pay attention to those who hold it in and don’t communicate. Children also have a different way of grieving. Some children are not yet familiar with grief and may walk around like everything is fine. They may suffer from nightmares and mood swings. Try your best to stay attentive to them during this time and be as empathetic as you can, even though you may be grieving as well.

Support, Support, Support

We all can benefit from different types of personalities during our stages of recovery. Some make you laugh, and that’s a good thing. Don’t feel that while grieving, you shouldn’t laugh. There are countless studies that show laughter can change your body and mind’s ability to heal itself. There are some personalities who come by to just silently hold your hand and listen to you talk. To comfort someone who is grieving, just be a friend and do the practical things. When I say practical things, I mean doing the laundry, cooking meals, doing dishes, doing the food shopping and answering the phone and take messages. After my loss, I had a friend who moved in with me so I wasn’t alone. Another friend took my car to the car wash. If you are spiritual, seek those who have a strong spiritual base and draw from that. If you are the one with the spiritual base, don’t wait for the bereaved to call you. Initiate all the acts of kindness and love that your spiritual orientation teaches you. Use your church or fraternal organizations’ support mechanisms. If you’re a parent who has lost a child, I especially suggest seeking support and/or counseling because of the seemingly unnatural phenomenon of losing a child. We all expect that it’s the parent who dies first. Take your time through this process and don’t be alarmed if it is longer than you anticipated. Some find it easier to remove their loved one’s possessions weeks after the funeral. Others take years.

Whatever your coping mechanism, use it, as long as it does not include excessive alcohol or drugs. The Web sites below specialize in various types of loss. Some specialize in child grief support, spousal loss or loss of a parent, while others are for the whole family. Please know that life will continue on the other side of the grief process. It may just mean taking a different path.

www.dailystrength.org
www.griefnet.org
compassionatefriends.org (especially for children)
www.griefshare.org
www.caringinfo.org

Dr. Gale Sargeant is a professor of psychology at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago Illinois. Dr. Sargeant is one of our psychologists here at The Healing Continuum.com

When we talk about the healing relationship between mind and body, we often forget the other, all-important connections that sustain us. Whether it’s the loving bond between a husband and wife, the supportive link between friends and neighbors, or the kindness and civility we all seek in our communities, we need each other to be healthy, happy and whole. But as important as these bonds are, we often lose sight of them.

Most of us are spiritually and emotionally a million miles away from the many parts of the world steeped in civil strife, famine or war. The nightly news has allowed us to become all too familiar with what’s going on in Palestine, Iraq, Chad, Darfur, Sudan, the Congo and so many other countries.

According to a 2005 report cited by UNICEF, for example, 40,000 Nepalese children have been forcibly displaced and tens of thousands more will be abducted, harassed or threatened with detention. In Somalia, 8 million people are starving because of a drought. It’s tragic, we all agree, before turning it off and tuning in to TV’s “American Idol.”

Geography and the relative political stability of American life can at least partly explain our lack of connection to our suffering neighbors around the world. But what excuse do we have for the suffering that so many of us ignore here at home? Most of us are absorbed by careers, distracted by our celebrity-studded media circus, or nestled in the comfort of our own homes. But if we genuinely want to make a difference we can come out from behind our protective walls and connect with others in ways that will not only enhance our sense of community, but help ease each other’s pain.

I suggest we do random acts of kindness, or spend each day looking for ways to practice author and philanthropist Catherine Ryan Hyde’s concept of “paying it forward,” simply put: Help when you can and share what you can spare.

The other day, for instance, while food shopping with my wife, daughter and two sons, I watched as a mother of three walked each supermarket aisle with a shopping list in one hand and a calculator in the other, carefully checking the price of each potential purchase against her budget. Her children’s shoes and clothes were worn and dirty, much like her own. Aggravation and worry were etched on her face.

I’m not a wealthy man but here, I thought, might be an opportunity to help. I made a point of following her to get in front of her in the checkout line, but I was a little too slow and she got there first. As she pulled in front of me, she looked at the few things I had in my cart, then looked at me and smiled. “Since I have so much more than you, you can go ahead of me,” she said. I accepted. It was what I had hoped she would say.

As I swiped my ATM card to pay for my seven items, I mentally tabulated her grocery bill. It wasn’t much, but I left $100 toward her groceries, slipped it to the cashier with a whispered explanation and went on my way. I glanced over my shoulder just long enough to see that after a look of disbelief, the woman looked down at her cart, shook her head and began to cry as she clutched her kids. That moment took away so much pain for me that I became addicted to this sort of thing. What else would I have done with that hundred bucks? A dinner out? A new outfit? Whatever it was, I could spare it on that day. Maybe her work week would be easier or perhaps she’d laugh a little more that night with her kids. I can’t stop a war, feed a starving country, or save a nation of refugees, but I could do that one, little thing. And so can you.

My challenge for you is that you start your own Healing Continuum, a cycle of shared acts of charity, generosity or kindness in your community. Does it seem impossible? Not at all. We all have something valuable to give. Think of what a magnificent world it would be if even half of us decided to share our gifts and you will instantly understand the value of the human connection that we all so badly need.

The gesture, by the way, needn’t involve cash. Recently, I pulled up next to a distracted driver at a light and noticed he wasn’t wearing his seat belt. I politely called out to him while tugging on my seatbelt and said, “Hey my friend, I’ve heard about some really bad accidents that could have been prevented by just wearing these.” He just smiled, looked down at his lap and shook his head before driving off. I’m not sure if he got the point or not, but hopefully during his next quiet moment he realized that a stranger took the time to care about him and connect with him that day.

That’s what I do. What can you share?

Sometimes when I sit and talk with my patients, I can sense what they are feeling. I can tell they are experiencing something far beyond what they are telling me. When that happens, I often say, “I feel that there is more to this story than what you are telling me. I feel there is a problem.”

This is not exactly what people expect of me. As a cardiologist, my work with patients begins with lab tests, the assessment of symptoms and a subsequent diagnosis. When a patient comes to me with severe health problems, I immediately treat what I can treat as a physician. I can help lower cholesterol levels, manage hypertension or diabetes. But I teach my patients this is only part of the journey toward healing. It begins in the mind. I can sit and counsel a patient about his or her lifestyle until the cows come home, but I know they will not see real improvements until we understand why they do not have the desire or strength to do what’s healthy for them. They often need more than a change of lifestyle; they must change what I call their mindstyle.

It’s great if a patient goes to the gym and eats fruit every day. In the course of treating thousands of patients, I’ve discovered there is a great deal more to recovering from heart disease than making physical improvements, having a surgical procedure and taking medicine. The secret is to cultivate a healthy mindstyle, along with an improved lifestyle. I ask my patients: How are your relationships? How many people can you confide in? How much guilt are you carrying around? Are you happy in your marriage? How is your relationship with your mother?

The last question may seem silly, but it’s a great example of how our feelings and relationships can affect our health. You can tell a great deal about people’s mortality from what you learn about their relationship with their mother. That fundamental mother-child connection shapes every important relationship we have throughout life. A landmark study followed a group of medical students for 35 years after graduation. They were asked many questions to assess various health risks. The one question that was shown to determine their life span, above all others was: How is your relationship with your mother?

I also ask my patients: Who are you? They generally respond by saying, I’m an engineer or a lawyer. I’ll say, but you didn’t become an engineer until you were 24. So, who are you? This is part of the process of finding out what might have led to the habits that made them sick in the first place. We are not our profession, marital status or financial standing. Nor are we our emotions, which are fluid and shifting, not etched in stone.

To truly answer that question, we must all look to our core: the essence of who we were, before we began to define ourselves through achievements and possessions.

Roles change, looks change, possessions can be lost or sold, these things are not really that important. In order to be healthy, you must be centered, balanced and understand that you are a valuable, lovable, strong human being no matter what you own or where you work.

This concept is what I share with my patients. I try to empower them by explaining that they have the power to change whatever they need to change to free themselves of unhealthy habits. This is my prescription for healing through the mind and the heart.

Adjust your outlook. Several studies of health outcomes have found that optimists do better than pessimists. People who are upbeat about life have fewer infections, blood clots and strokes after heart surgery. I suggest to my patients they count the positives in their lives and focus on them daily.

Let go of anxiety. The old saying, “worrying never fixed a thing”, still holds true. At best, it may raise your blood pressure. Take each day as it comes, try to live in the moment and enjoy it whenever you can.

Be true to yourself. When you have a difference in what you have comes out of your mouth and what you really feel inside, you experience tension and confusion. Be respectful of others, of course, but respect yourself and your feelings first and foremost.

Nurture your spirit. Nearly every year, there is another study showing the connection between prayer and healing; spirituality and healing.

The reason is that we are not just physical beings; we are spiritual beings as well. No matter what tradition or method you choose, find a way to feed your soul.
Clear your mind. I teach meditation to my patients because it is the way to discover who you really are, discover your inner strengths and transform your thoughts. Once my patients master this, suddenly they find that they can lose weight, quit smoking, address relationship problems, let go of anger. All things become possible.

Once you embrace your ability to do all you need to do to be healthy and take care of yourself, you will see you can make miracles by tapping the power within. In 16 years of practice, I’ve seen it work for my patients again and again, your self awareness can add years to your life.

Pradip Jamnadas, MD, MBBS, FACC, FSCAI, FCCP, FACP Is an interventional cardiologist in Orlando, FL with a diverse patient base of more than 42,000 people. He lectures around the world on how your self awareness can add years to your life.

THC: How can we each define and cultivate friendships that truly meet our needs?

Dr. Tibbits: First, of course, you must get to know yourself. When it comes to the company of others, people desire very different levels of closeness and interaction. Extraverts crave more relationships than introverts. Introverts tend to be pleased with a small circle of close friends. There’s no right way, there’s only what’s right for you.

Loneliness becomes an issue when people realize they’d like more friends, but they are not sure who to trust or who to open up to. They wonder, as we all do from time to time, is it safe to be vulnerable with certain people?

Often, people shut down because they’ve over-extended themselves in the past, only to be rejected. Or shared too much, which can scare people away or even result in insensitive reactions.

But friendship is far too valuable a part of a rich, full life to be ignored. To create new bonds, go slow. Let relationships build naturally. Resist the urge to rush things because you’re not sure where to begin.

THC: Do friendships need change as we age?

Dr. Tibbits: Yes, quite a bit. In the 20s to early 30s, people may be raising families, getting married, building careers and meeting other families. They will have new jobs, homes and neighborhoods. In these years, there’s usually a rapidly expanding circle of friends, some closer than others of course. People who have been fortunate enough to have been parented well or escape major emotional pain in early life will most likely be successful in these budding friendships.

In mid-life, around 35 to 45 years of age, people begin to consolidate and re-evaluate parts of their life friendships. At this time, grievance stories begin to emerge. People have lived long enough that there’s often an accumulation of hurts. Some of those disappointments may come in a person’s professional life. In other cases, romantic relationships, family members, or other people may hurt you in ways that lead to distrust. There’s also an inner evaluation process going on. You begin to look more closely at how you’re treating yourself and other people and in turn, how they’re treating you. You begin to create a personal narrative to tell a story filled with your experiences. Problems may arise if the story you create for yourself is distorted.

In my book, “Forgive to Live”, I teach that you must embrace your reality in a positive way, not run from it. If it’s your job that displeases you, for instance, try to locate the source of this unhappiness; is it your role or your co-workers? Or is the work unfulfilling? If it’s the people you work with, and then try to find co-workers you actually enjoy and focus on those individuals. You need to decide if it’s time to make a change. Just make sure you take responsibility for your situation. Don’t blame everyone around you for where you are. I teach that responsibility is your decision to choose how to respond to your situation. Plan where you want to be in a week, month, and the years ahead. Consider the path of your relationships as well.

From ages 55, 65 and beyond, life changes once again. Children grow up and leave home, marriages may end or new ones may begin, and people may relocate. A great deal of good research indicates that social support and friends are critical to health and emotional well being in this part of life. It’s important to feel that you are a part of something beyond a job. This is a time to ask yourself: “What defines my self worth?” A rich network of friends and membership in a spiritual organization can help a good deal. Breaking long-term ties by relocating to retirement villages or adult living centers is not necessarily the best idea. But this is also the point in life when that accumulated, distorted and negative narrative can cost you the relationships you need the most.

THC: How can we all learn to use the art of forgiveness to help us protect and maintain those valuable friendships?

Dr. Tibbits: Begin by accepting the fact that life is not always fair. Don’t set yourself up to think that things will work out fairly. In my book, I refer to the internalization of the injustice of unfairness as the birth of a grievance story. People will often tell themselves and others how someone has wronged them, over and over. You may feel that telling that story is punishing the person, but in reality you are punishing yourself. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, it’s about letting you off the hook.

If you continue to tell yourself this bad story, you place yourself in a chronic state of emotional turmoil which puts you at higher risk for disease and depression. Depending on your genetic makeup, that disease could turn out to be high blood pressure, early heart disease, headaches, stomach ulcers, back pain and so on. It will also affect you emotionally. You’ll become irritable and negative, two characteristics that always push other people away. The real tragedy is that as many of us reach the stage of life where we so dearly need social support, we may be so deeply steeped in a lifetime of collected grievances that no one wants to be around us. Then, your whole view of life becomes distorted because that grievance narrative becomes your template for everything else.

THC: How can people who stay in a constant state of rehearsal for confrontation or grievance recitation cope?

Dr. Tibbits: First of all, you must admit that you have a problem. If you don’t see that it’s a problem, you won’t change. I teach that people are ready to change when they are ready to be healed. If you are getting signals from your loved ones that your behavior is problematic, such as you’re not the same person you used to be or you’re always angry or have a short fuse. These are indicators of a problem. Ask yourself “what is my motivation to change?” It may be time to reframe your story and take another look at that personal narrative, or you will continue to feel what you’ve always felt.

Even if it’s a true story, it’s still a biased story. Look at it this way: The person you hate may also be someone else’s best friend, because that someone is focusing on the good things that the person may have to offer. This proves you are looking at this person through a small frame. One of the gifts of great leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi was they were able to see a situation through a larger frame, without biases. All change is a choice, it’s not magic. The truth of life is others see in us what we often fail to see in ourselves. Make sure you show the people close to you the best of who you really are.

Dick Tibbits will continue in a series on healing emotional scars as a result of relationships, religion and corporate America.

LINK: www.forgivetolive.net

”If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.” – J. Krishnamurti

Yoga in America has become as readily available as Starbucks or Wal-Mart, with studios popping up all over the country and most fitness centers offering classes. It is rather remarkable considering its philosophical origins can be traced back approximately 5000 years ago to India. Interesting, but not surprising considering the hectic pace that the average person struggles to maintain; along with a massive increase in stress and its related disorders, such as, heart disease, obesity, depression and insomnia to name just a few. Exercise has been proven to aid in combating the stress of daily life as has meditation. The beauty of yoga is that it is intentional exercise and that when practiced regularly can become like a moving meditation. It is intentional in that we bring our full awareness to the breath and body while quieting the busy mind in order to make way for the cultivation of a new relationship with ourselves.

Unlike other forms of exercise where one might opt to ”check out” of body-mind awareness or muscle through pain, in yoga we attempt to practice a more compassionate approach to what arises in the present moment. In this way pain or any other sensations or thoughts that surface are witnessed and acknowledged as cues to what the body may be trying to communicate. Pain is just one of many ”voices” in the body to which our awareness must turn.

The word ”Yoga” comes from the Sanskrit ”yuj” which means to ”yoke” or ”bind” and is commonly translated as ”union.” Within the discipline of the practice, we begin to experience this uniting of opposites: whether it is physically in a standing posture when our feet are firmly anchored to the earth and arms lifted toward the sky, or internally as we shift from right/wrong thinking to embracing each part of ourselves as part of a much greater whole. The physical postures (asanas) that comprise most of a modern day yoga class are only one branch or limb of the body of yoga that was created as an entire path intending to lead one outwardly and inwardly toward Samadhi (enlightenment or liberation). In fact, asanas (literally ”comfortable seat”) were intended to precede long periods of sitting meditation as a way of preparing the body.

It is important here to emphasize that yoga is not a religion and it is not necessary for one to subscribe to any of the philosophy behind it to reap many of the benefits. However, what is recommended is to approach your time on the mat with sincerity and with as much of an open heart-mind as you can allow on any given day. Yoga is the only type of exercise that benefits every system of the body from the nervous and endocrine to the musculoskeletal, respiratory, and cardiovascular systems. The spine is considered the main channel of energy in the body and all of the postures work to move the spine in all different directions: forward, backwards, side to side, and twisting. The asanas help not only to tone the body but also in aiding it in the elimination of toxins by ”wringing” out the spine and compressing the vital organs. Deep breathing calms the nervous system initiating the relaxation response and invites fresh oxygen to renew the cells. Incidentally, many diseases (including cancer) cannot survive in the presence of oxygen. And it’s free! So breathing in and out through the nose, slowly and deeply is the key to guiding the movement of the body and allows one to move more deeply into a particular posture.

There are many different types of yoga from ”hot” or power (vinyasa) yoga to kundalini or gentle hatha. If you are new to yoga be sure to inquire as to the style and be willing to try a few different classes until you find one that is right for you. One big misconception is that you must first be flexible in order to do yoga. This is not so. If you can breathe, you are eligible for practicing yoga! The aim is to cultivate greater ease in the body and freedom from the tape recorder in the mind, rather than touching your toes or putting your legs behind your head. The real ”work” of yoga is to allow the ego to take a backseat and let the spirit of your higher wisdom be the guide. We have always to be careful of falling into the trap of believing our pictures about the way things should be, including what we see on the mat next to us. Working within your own limitations, that is, respecting them but not being altogether thwarted by them is imperative.

* * *

What can you expect from a yoga class? Most classes include breathing exercises, stretching and relaxation and last from 60-90 minutes. It is best to wait 1-3 hours after eating, but a small snack of fruit or yogurt 30 min. before is fine. Wear comfortable clothing that allows for generous movement and bring a ”sticky” mat to enable your feet to grip the floor without slipping. Many facilities have mats you can borrow and several stores such as Target sell them for $10-$20. The instructor will guide you through the class and may or may not provide hands on adjustment. If you feel lost or have difficulty keeping up, just return to your breath and rest until you feel ready to join again. And by all means if you have questions or concerns speak to your instructor before or after class. Be sure to drink plenty of water after class to help flush the toxins from your system. Try to commit to at least six classes before determining of yoga is right for you.

Try this simple exercise to begin to cultivate awareness of the breath-body connection:

Sit comfortably with your spine long or lie down on your back. Bring your left hand to your lower abdomen a few inches below the navel and rest your right hand on your upper chest over your heart. Close your eyes and begin to notice your breath. Inhale slowly through the nose as you count to four mentally. You should feel your belly expand like a balloon. At the top of your inhalation, hold your breath for just a few seconds and then slowly exhale through the nose to the count of eight, pushing all of the air out of your lungs. You should feel your belly button moving toward your spine. Repeat this pattern of inhaling to the count of four-hold the breath for 3 seconds-exhale to the count of eight following the breath at least ten times. Then breathe slowly and deeply without retaining the breath and notice how you feel; taking a moment to scan the body from head to toe. This kind of breathing awakens the body and calms the mind and can be practiced anywhere, anytime.

Jenny Clarke is a Licensed Massage Therapist and Yoga instructor. She earned her B.A. in Philosophy and Religious Studies from the University of South Florida and is a Master Sufi Teacher having completed a three year program in Sufi Spiritual Healing in the Shadhdhuliyya tradition. She teaches yoga at the NTC and privately. Jenny can be reached by e-mail at jzaga1@aol.com.

The true essence of the change that occurs when one changes their mind comes from a change that first takes place in their spirit. When you learn that your perception of how something is said determines your reaction, you will have an easier way of life. When you get into the detail of the content of what is said, you will become opinionated and judgmental. When someone speaks to you try to take into account the day they have had thus far. Listen to the context or their delivery of the message not the content of the message. Something very hurtful can be said with love and something very kind can be tainted with sarcasm.

I suggest meditation on a daily basis. When you spend quiet time with God you are better able to separate your spiritual man, who is able to decipher truth, from your conscious man who is influenced by environmental circumstances. Yoga is another way of adjusting your mind style. Yoga means union of the mind and spirit. Yoga is a life philosophy about mind style that you need for mind strength, physical strength as well as flexibility. Yoga helps you understand who you are rather than simply, what you do as a vocation. We get lost in our temporary identification. During the day I temporarily identify myself as a doctor. At night I temporarily identify myself as a husband and father. On the weekends I identify myself as a son and so forth.

Yoga gets you into a place where every possibility can occur. You need to have this opportunity by yourself everyday. Silence in the mind gives you access to another aspect of you. Yoga tells you the difference between seeing the water and going and drinking it. Yoga teaches you forgiveness. Everything comes from that deep well of silence. When one realizes this, they now have true freedom. This freedom allows you to change your mind about how you allow things to affect you. You will now become a more forgiving person. You will not be locked into one way of thinking. You will now have the freedom to choose how you want to feel at any moment. That mean and irritable person I was yesterday is no longer who I am today.

Relax. Exhale and take a deep breath of all the potential that surrounds you, waiting to embrace you.