Sometimes people have a fear of disclosing and relating to others, or they may have difficulty taking on new challenges, or they may have a fear of success. People such as these may be unwilling to get involved with others unless they are certain of being liked, or they may be preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations, or they may be inhibited because of feelings of inadequacy. People may also be reluctant to take risks. These are just some of the symptoms associated with an avoidant disposition. These symptoms are often difficult to change and they can be immobilizing. However, having avoidant traits may be quite comfortable for the individual and they may not interfere with performance. In fact, some people actually function well despite these traits.

However, there can be a disconnect between how a person wants to function and how they actually are functioning. For instance, they may want to be more outgoing, socially involved or opportunistic in their personal choices, yet they can’t find the wherewithal to begin. Avoidant attributes are difficult to change. They may negatively affect how you interact with regard to same-sex relationships, opposite-sex relations and in social gatherings. There is no “one-size-fits-all” resolution, but there are some generalities to consider.

If you are feeling shy or socially immobilized, you may want to think about how you feel about yourself. You may lack self-confidence, or you may have low self-esteem. Maybe you feel like you don’t “fit in”, or that something about yourself is socially unacceptable, like your weight, your hair, a facial attribute, etc. Feelings such as these are usually developed during childhood, and most often during adolescence. But adulthood introduces a need for self-acceptance. It’s a time when you begin to understand that you are not alone, that others have similar flaws and feelings.

Proactive remediation may include being an active listener in one-to-one situations, such as responding to the specifics of dialogue while demonstrating genuine interest in the other. Or maybe you can arrange one-to-one encounters in locations that are more familiar and comfortable for you. Consider the situation and take control of what makes you comfortable. Accept that you may be uncomfortable for a period of time, but uncomfortable feelings are normal. It’s the length of time you’re uncomfortable that is the issue. As soon as it is feasible, get a snack or drink, which can serve as an icebreaker, or talk about the job or kids, which is a typical commonality of all. Just accept that some situations require a “slow-to-warm-up” approach.

These strategies can also be used in group situations. Attend to those who are familiar or appear welcoming. You can also try to identify the isolated, who may feel like you do and who may need one person to help them get comfortable. The goal is to come out of yourself. Care more about others than yourself.

A successful life is based on the perception of the individual, and fear of success tends to be an unconscious process. But I believe that many people reach a crossroads; either you must accept the standard of life as currently constituted, or you must attempt to change your situation. You may do it by legal means, or illegal. Those who seek to do it by socially acceptable standards, or legal means, tend to become immobilized for a time, trying to figure out how to move on. During this time, they may begin to dream about a better life but may not have had examples of high-achieving role models. They would benefit from acquainting themselves with mentors who have achieved a similar goal. They can find these people in professional organizations, guidance counselors on college campuses, spiritual leaders, or the like. I discovered myself through the latter two, and the former assisted me when I became discouraged during my pursuit of success.

Most importantly, minimize time with those who think negatively, who cannot dream, or who remind you of your own limitations. I have found that it is much easier to be pulled down by others than to pull them up. I have also found that those who have achieved are eager to help those who have a sincere desire to achieve, and they can assist you in ways that you cannot help yourself. Finally, be flexible and open to guidance, because where you start will probably not be where you end. But it should be a wonderful journey.

I will close by saying that the avoidant personality is not an albatross in itself, as many people can succeed and function well without a diversified social experience. The task is to find out how to best position themselves to function in a way that brings out their personal best. Our deficits can hold us back if we focus on them as negatives and minimize our positives.

Entering the holiday season brings about a lot anxiety and depression for those of us who have lost loved ones. In fact, some mourners experience these emotions long after the passing of a loved one. As a professor of psychology, one expects that I should have a thorough grasp of all the right tools to help one through the process of grieving. That may have been true – until I lost the love of my life, my mother, this past August. Now the therapist is seeing grievance from a whole different perspective.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a world-renowned Swiss psychiatrist and author of the groundbreaking book “On Death and Dying” (Scribner Classics, $25.00), founded what is now referred to as the “Kubler-Ross model.” In this model, Dr. Kubler-Ross explained the five stages of grief. Although she died in 2004, Dr. Kubler-Ross said of her model’s stages, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives.”

The five stages of grief are:

1. Denial and isolation
2. At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
3. Anger
4. The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even though he or she is dead) or at the world. They may be angry with themselves for “letting” the death happen, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
5. Bargaining
6. The grieving person may attempt to make bargains with God, such as, “If I do this, will you take away the loss?”
7. Depression
8. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
9. Acceptance
10. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Some experts say shock , suffering and recovery are other initial stages of the grief process.

Shock: Depending on how the person died, whether suddenly or after an illness. Usually in cases with the latter, the loved one has had an opportunity to come to terms with the inevitable. Although when death comes, it still is painful for the loved one, time has given them the opportunity to reconcile their emotions.
Suffering: This aspect of grieving presents itself on different levels and will vary based on what life experiences have taught you. How close you were to the deceased and whether you had a healthy relationship with them, and your personality and coping style also affect your suffering. If you are someone who has difficulty dealing with everyday challenges, then coping with the loss of a loved one will be just as – if not more – difficult. If you are the type of person who handles challenges well and is strong by nature, you will be able to handle loss a little better. Whatever your feelings, express them, whether in tears or words. For some, physical activity such as running or walking can help release your emotions.
Recovery: This will depend on the type of support systems that are around you, as well as how well you reach out for help. The best suggestion I can offer is to seek out support groups. There are myriad of them available on the Internet. We have included links to five of them below this article. There are support groups that focus on various areas of grief. Some specialize in the loss of a spouse, others deal with the loss of a parent.

Be Watchful

Since there is no “correct” way to grieve, be certain to watch for indicators that may hint at what therapists call “maladaptive behavior.” Crying is healthy, and to a certain point, pulling away and wanting to be alone is healthy. Losing one’s appetite also is normal. During the initial phase of grieving for my mother, my nutrition consisted of protein shakes and a multivitamin. (I strongly suggest that you speak with your physician before making drastic changes to your diet.) The danger in grieving presents itself when an individual no longer cares for their personal hygiene and becomes inattentive to their overall health and welfare, and the welfare of others. Depression is normal as indicated above, except if it includes these behaviors. Pay attention to those who hold it in and don’t communicate. Children also have a different way of grieving. Some children are not yet familiar with grief and may walk around like everything is fine. They may suffer from nightmares and mood swings. Try your best to stay attentive to them during this time and be as empathetic as you can, even though you may be grieving as well.

Support, Support, Support

We all can benefit from different types of personalities during our stages of recovery. Some make you laugh, and that’s a good thing. Don’t feel that while grieving, you shouldn’t laugh. There are countless studies that show laughter can change your body and mind’s ability to heal itself. There are some personalities who come by to just silently hold your hand and listen to you talk. To comfort someone who is grieving, just be a friend and do the practical things. When I say practical things, I mean doing the laundry, cooking meals, doing dishes, doing the food shopping and answering the phone and take messages. After my loss, I had a friend who moved in with me so I wasn’t alone. Another friend took my car to the car wash. If you are spiritual, seek those who have a strong spiritual base and draw from that. If you are the one with the spiritual base, don’t wait for the bereaved to call you. Initiate all the acts of kindness and love that your spiritual orientation teaches you. Use your church or fraternal organizations’ support mechanisms. If you’re a parent who has lost a child, I especially suggest seeking support and/or counseling because of the seemingly unnatural phenomenon of losing a child. We all expect that it’s the parent who dies first. Take your time through this process and don’t be alarmed if it is longer than you anticipated. Some find it easier to remove their loved one’s possessions weeks after the funeral. Others take years.

Whatever your coping mechanism, use it, as long as it does not include excessive alcohol or drugs. The Web sites below specialize in various types of loss. Some specialize in child grief support, spousal loss or loss of a parent, while others are for the whole family. Please know that life will continue on the other side of the grief process. It may just mean taking a different path.

www.dailystrength.org
www.griefnet.org
compassionatefriends.org (especially for children)
www.griefshare.org
www.caringinfo.org

Dr. Gale Sargeant is a professor of psychology at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago Illinois. Dr. Sargeant is one of our psychologists here at The Healing Continuum.com

When we talk about the healing relationship between mind and body, we often forget the other, all-important connections that sustain us. Whether it’s the loving bond between a husband and wife, the supportive link between friends and neighbors, or the kindness and civility we all seek in our communities, we need each other to be healthy, happy and whole. But as important as these bonds are, we often lose sight of them.

Most of us are spiritually and emotionally a million miles away from the many parts of the world steeped in civil strife, famine or war. The nightly news has allowed us to become all too familiar with what’s going on in Palestine, Iraq, Chad, Darfur, Sudan, the Congo and so many other countries.

According to a 2005 report cited by UNICEF, for example, 40,000 Nepalese children have been forcibly displaced and tens of thousands more will be abducted, harassed or threatened with detention. In Somalia, 8 million people are starving because of a drought. It’s tragic, we all agree, before turning it off and tuning in to TV’s “American Idol.”

Geography and the relative political stability of American life can at least partly explain our lack of connection to our suffering neighbors around the world. But what excuse do we have for the suffering that so many of us ignore here at home? Most of us are absorbed by careers, distracted by our celebrity-studded media circus, or nestled in the comfort of our own homes. But if we genuinely want to make a difference we can come out from behind our protective walls and connect with others in ways that will not only enhance our sense of community, but help ease each other’s pain.

I suggest we do random acts of kindness, or spend each day looking for ways to practice author and philanthropist Catherine Ryan Hyde’s concept of “paying it forward,” simply put: Help when you can and share what you can spare.

The other day, for instance, while food shopping with my wife, daughter and two sons, I watched as a mother of three walked each supermarket aisle with a shopping list in one hand and a calculator in the other, carefully checking the price of each potential purchase against her budget. Her children’s shoes and clothes were worn and dirty, much like her own. Aggravation and worry were etched on her face.

I’m not a wealthy man but here, I thought, might be an opportunity to help. I made a point of following her to get in front of her in the checkout line, but I was a little too slow and she got there first. As she pulled in front of me, she looked at the few things I had in my cart, then looked at me and smiled. “Since I have so much more than you, you can go ahead of me,” she said. I accepted. It was what I had hoped she would say.

As I swiped my ATM card to pay for my seven items, I mentally tabulated her grocery bill. It wasn’t much, but I left $100 toward her groceries, slipped it to the cashier with a whispered explanation and went on my way. I glanced over my shoulder just long enough to see that after a look of disbelief, the woman looked down at her cart, shook her head and began to cry as she clutched her kids. That moment took away so much pain for me that I became addicted to this sort of thing. What else would I have done with that hundred bucks? A dinner out? A new outfit? Whatever it was, I could spare it on that day. Maybe her work week would be easier or perhaps she’d laugh a little more that night with her kids. I can’t stop a war, feed a starving country, or save a nation of refugees, but I could do that one, little thing. And so can you.

My challenge for you is that you start your own Healing Continuum, a cycle of shared acts of charity, generosity or kindness in your community. Does it seem impossible? Not at all. We all have something valuable to give. Think of what a magnificent world it would be if even half of us decided to share our gifts and you will instantly understand the value of the human connection that we all so badly need.

The gesture, by the way, needn’t involve cash. Recently, I pulled up next to a distracted driver at a light and noticed he wasn’t wearing his seat belt. I politely called out to him while tugging on my seatbelt and said, “Hey my friend, I’ve heard about some really bad accidents that could have been prevented by just wearing these.” He just smiled, looked down at his lap and shook his head before driving off. I’m not sure if he got the point or not, but hopefully during his next quiet moment he realized that a stranger took the time to care about him and connect with him that day.

That’s what I do. What can you share?

Sometimes when I sit and talk with my patients, I can sense what they are feeling. I can tell they are experiencing something far beyond what they are telling me. When that happens, I often say, “I feel that there is more to this story than what you are telling me. I feel there is a problem.”

This is not exactly what people expect of me. As a cardiologist, my work with patients begins with lab tests, the assessment of symptoms and a subsequent diagnosis. When a patient comes to me with severe health problems, I immediately treat what I can treat as a physician. I can help lower cholesterol levels, manage hypertension or diabetes. But I teach my patients this is only part of the journey toward healing. It begins in the mind. I can sit and counsel a patient about his or her lifestyle until the cows come home, but I know they will not see real improvements until we understand why they do not have the desire or strength to do what’s healthy for them. They often need more than a change of lifestyle; they must change what I call their mindstyle.

It’s great if a patient goes to the gym and eats fruit every day. In the course of treating thousands of patients, I’ve discovered there is a great deal more to recovering from heart disease than making physical improvements, having a surgical procedure and taking medicine. The secret is to cultivate a healthy mindstyle, along with an improved lifestyle. I ask my patients: How are your relationships? How many people can you confide in? How much guilt are you carrying around? Are you happy in your marriage? How is your relationship with your mother?

The last question may seem silly, but it’s a great example of how our feelings and relationships can affect our health. You can tell a great deal about people’s mortality from what you learn about their relationship with their mother. That fundamental mother-child connection shapes every important relationship we have throughout life. A landmark study followed a group of medical students for 35 years after graduation. They were asked many questions to assess various health risks. The one question that was shown to determine their life span, above all others was: How is your relationship with your mother?

I also ask my patients: Who are you? They generally respond by saying, I’m an engineer or a lawyer. I’ll say, but you didn’t become an engineer until you were 24. So, who are you? This is part of the process of finding out what might have led to the habits that made them sick in the first place. We are not our profession, marital status or financial standing. Nor are we our emotions, which are fluid and shifting, not etched in stone.

To truly answer that question, we must all look to our core: the essence of who we were, before we began to define ourselves through achievements and possessions.

Roles change, looks change, possessions can be lost or sold, these things are not really that important. In order to be healthy, you must be centered, balanced and understand that you are a valuable, lovable, strong human being no matter what you own or where you work.

This concept is what I share with my patients. I try to empower them by explaining that they have the power to change whatever they need to change to free themselves of unhealthy habits. This is my prescription for healing through the mind and the heart.

Adjust your outlook. Several studies of health outcomes have found that optimists do better than pessimists. People who are upbeat about life have fewer infections, blood clots and strokes after heart surgery. I suggest to my patients they count the positives in their lives and focus on them daily.

Let go of anxiety. The old saying, “worrying never fixed a thing”, still holds true. At best, it may raise your blood pressure. Take each day as it comes, try to live in the moment and enjoy it whenever you can.

Be true to yourself. When you have a difference in what you have comes out of your mouth and what you really feel inside, you experience tension and confusion. Be respectful of others, of course, but respect yourself and your feelings first and foremost.

Nurture your spirit. Nearly every year, there is another study showing the connection between prayer and healing; spirituality and healing.

The reason is that we are not just physical beings; we are spiritual beings as well. No matter what tradition or method you choose, find a way to feed your soul.
Clear your mind. I teach meditation to my patients because it is the way to discover who you really are, discover your inner strengths and transform your thoughts. Once my patients master this, suddenly they find that they can lose weight, quit smoking, address relationship problems, let go of anger. All things become possible.

Once you embrace your ability to do all you need to do to be healthy and take care of yourself, you will see you can make miracles by tapping the power within. In 16 years of practice, I’ve seen it work for my patients again and again, your self awareness can add years to your life.

Pradip Jamnadas, MD, MBBS, FACC, FSCAI, FCCP, FACP Is an interventional cardiologist in Orlando, FL with a diverse patient base of more than 42,000 people. He lectures around the world on how your self awareness can add years to your life.

THC: How can we each define and cultivate friendships that truly meet our needs?

Dr. Tibbits: First, of course, you must get to know yourself. When it comes to the company of others, people desire very different levels of closeness and interaction. Extraverts crave more relationships than introverts. Introverts tend to be pleased with a small circle of close friends. There’s no right way, there’s only what’s right for you.

Loneliness becomes an issue when people realize they’d like more friends, but they are not sure who to trust or who to open up to. They wonder, as we all do from time to time, is it safe to be vulnerable with certain people?

Often, people shut down because they’ve over-extended themselves in the past, only to be rejected. Or shared too much, which can scare people away or even result in insensitive reactions.

But friendship is far too valuable a part of a rich, full life to be ignored. To create new bonds, go slow. Let relationships build naturally. Resist the urge to rush things because you’re not sure where to begin.

THC: Do friendships need change as we age?

Dr. Tibbits: Yes, quite a bit. In the 20s to early 30s, people may be raising families, getting married, building careers and meeting other families. They will have new jobs, homes and neighborhoods. In these years, there’s usually a rapidly expanding circle of friends, some closer than others of course. People who have been fortunate enough to have been parented well or escape major emotional pain in early life will most likely be successful in these budding friendships.

In mid-life, around 35 to 45 years of age, people begin to consolidate and re-evaluate parts of their life friendships. At this time, grievance stories begin to emerge. People have lived long enough that there’s often an accumulation of hurts. Some of those disappointments may come in a person’s professional life. In other cases, romantic relationships, family members, or other people may hurt you in ways that lead to distrust. There’s also an inner evaluation process going on. You begin to look more closely at how you’re treating yourself and other people and in turn, how they’re treating you. You begin to create a personal narrative to tell a story filled with your experiences. Problems may arise if the story you create for yourself is distorted.

In my book, “Forgive to Live”, I teach that you must embrace your reality in a positive way, not run from it. If it’s your job that displeases you, for instance, try to locate the source of this unhappiness; is it your role or your co-workers? Or is the work unfulfilling? If it’s the people you work with, and then try to find co-workers you actually enjoy and focus on those individuals. You need to decide if it’s time to make a change. Just make sure you take responsibility for your situation. Don’t blame everyone around you for where you are. I teach that responsibility is your decision to choose how to respond to your situation. Plan where you want to be in a week, month, and the years ahead. Consider the path of your relationships as well.

From ages 55, 65 and beyond, life changes once again. Children grow up and leave home, marriages may end or new ones may begin, and people may relocate. A great deal of good research indicates that social support and friends are critical to health and emotional well being in this part of life. It’s important to feel that you are a part of something beyond a job. This is a time to ask yourself: “What defines my self worth?” A rich network of friends and membership in a spiritual organization can help a good deal. Breaking long-term ties by relocating to retirement villages or adult living centers is not necessarily the best idea. But this is also the point in life when that accumulated, distorted and negative narrative can cost you the relationships you need the most.

THC: How can we all learn to use the art of forgiveness to help us protect and maintain those valuable friendships?

Dr. Tibbits: Begin by accepting the fact that life is not always fair. Don’t set yourself up to think that things will work out fairly. In my book, I refer to the internalization of the injustice of unfairness as the birth of a grievance story. People will often tell themselves and others how someone has wronged them, over and over. You may feel that telling that story is punishing the person, but in reality you are punishing yourself. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook, it’s about letting you off the hook.

If you continue to tell yourself this bad story, you place yourself in a chronic state of emotional turmoil which puts you at higher risk for disease and depression. Depending on your genetic makeup, that disease could turn out to be high blood pressure, early heart disease, headaches, stomach ulcers, back pain and so on. It will also affect you emotionally. You’ll become irritable and negative, two characteristics that always push other people away. The real tragedy is that as many of us reach the stage of life where we so dearly need social support, we may be so deeply steeped in a lifetime of collected grievances that no one wants to be around us. Then, your whole view of life becomes distorted because that grievance narrative becomes your template for everything else.

THC: How can people who stay in a constant state of rehearsal for confrontation or grievance recitation cope?

Dr. Tibbits: First of all, you must admit that you have a problem. If you don’t see that it’s a problem, you won’t change. I teach that people are ready to change when they are ready to be healed. If you are getting signals from your loved ones that your behavior is problematic, such as you’re not the same person you used to be or you’re always angry or have a short fuse. These are indicators of a problem. Ask yourself “what is my motivation to change?” It may be time to reframe your story and take another look at that personal narrative, or you will continue to feel what you’ve always felt.

Even if it’s a true story, it’s still a biased story. Look at it this way: The person you hate may also be someone else’s best friend, because that someone is focusing on the good things that the person may have to offer. This proves you are looking at this person through a small frame. One of the gifts of great leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi was they were able to see a situation through a larger frame, without biases. All change is a choice, it’s not magic. The truth of life is others see in us what we often fail to see in ourselves. Make sure you show the people close to you the best of who you really are.

Dick Tibbits will continue in a series on healing emotional scars as a result of relationships, religion and corporate America.

LINK: www.forgivetolive.net

During the holiday season we tend to overindulge in our passion for good food. Instead of focusing so much on the food, we should put our focus on family and friends. We should concentrate on being happy. When we are happy we find we do not need to fulfill ourselves through eating.

Happy people do not dwell in the regrets of past or the concerns of the future. If we are happy and living in the moment, we can resist overindulgence. Try to deal with unforgiveness issues with your loved ones before you break bread with them. When you are dealing with unforgiveness (link to story on forgiveness), guilt and regret, you tend to eat more to compensate. When you are thankful and you are enjoying the positive vibrations of those around you, then you can enjoy the people and the food, in that order of importance.

Here are some tips from Dr. “J” on how to enjoy the sumptuous foods of the season with healthy restraints.

DONT’S

Don’t indulge your sweet tooth: The most devastating thing you can do to your metabolism is to eat desserts. Sweets, or concentrated sugars in deserts, are full of sugars and have a high glycemic index — a measurement of how much certain foods raise your blood sugar. Once you’ve eaten anything high in sugar, for the next six hours everything you eat will go directly into storage. This is a result of the high blood sugar your body will have to produce resulting in insulin production, which is designed to remove the sugar from your blood by putting it in storage. Let’s say for instance that you’ve just had a wonderfully healthy salmon and vegetable dinner and decide to have a rich dessert afterwards. That desert will send your glycemic index up and cause that entire meal to go into storage, thus doing your body no immediate good.

Fizzling out: Soda should be avoided for a number of reasons. Studies show that carbonated drinks dilate the stomach. So it takes a larger meal to satisfy you the next time you eat. Studies have also proven that people who drink water with their meals eat less than soda drinkers. Phosphoric acid and carbonic acid, which are found in sodas, promote osteoporosis. Thirty percent of women in the United States still have osteopenia or low bone density, which can lead to easy bone fractures. It makes no difference whether you drink diet or regular soda. You cannot fool the body. The body was designed to associate a taste with an end product. Other words, when the tongue tastes sweet the body is expecting the calories. So when the calories don’t come, the body craves more the next time you feed it.

Drop that zero: Beer and alcohol are empty calories. Two glasses of wine is approximately 500 calories. You will have to run three miles an hour for 45 minutes to burn those calories off, hence the beer belly. Having that second drink also drives up your blood pressure and you should not drive after that second drink anyway. Only have one drink at a party. The toxic affects of alcohol on the liver can be felt sooner in women than men.

Missed meals: Skipping meals in anticipation of consuming a larger meal later will slow your metabolism. Your body will go into storage mode. Then further insult your metabolism, you will actually eat more food for dinner to compensate for the hunger. The body was designed to eat four to five smaller portions of food a day to maintain steady metabolism

DO’S

Soy to the world: Drink soy milk instead of cow’s milk. Cow’s milk contains the protein casein, which is difficult to digest. It also is the wrong protein for adults to consume. Casein prevents the absorption of other nutrients your body needs during the day. Cow’s milk is also allergenic. The fat content in cow’s milk is much higher than soy milk. Studies also show that one-third of the U.S. population is lactose intolerant.

Snack time: Fruits and vegetables such as peaches, plums, apricots and apples are wonderful for the body. They are rich in antioxidants and have a lot of fiber, so they fill you up. They don’t have a lot of sugar, which will cause your body to go into storage mode. Fruits that are high in antioxidants include blueberries, strawberries and blackberries. These berries are great for shakes, and by adding a protein powder you will lower the glycemic index of the shake. These shakes with the protein powder are also good for diabetics. It is better to eat raw fruits than consume them in juice forms. Raw fruits are higher in antioxidants while fruit juices are high in fructose. Fruit juices are high in fructose, which also has a high glycemic index. A little known fact is that once you juice something you must consume it in eight minutes because it will be oxidized quickly. This oxidation greatly diminishes the antioxidant value. An example of this is you will notice when you cut an apple in slices it starts to turn brown after it has been left out. By nature, all fruits should be consumed immediately once cut open.

High spirits: In well documented studies, one glass of red wine has a high overall value to cardiovascular health. It is high in flavinoids, which protects against damage to blood vessels, and antioxidants, which help prevent damage to heart arteries and other tissues.

Still waters: Drink LOTS of water. Every metabolic reaction in the body occurs in water. Water is the most important nutrient in your diet.

Going organic: Try to consume organic foods as opposed to inorganic foods. Organic foods such as fruits and vegetables are ripened naturally and have less exposure to toxins and pesticides.

Omega code: Omega 3 fatty acids are an integral part of cardiovascular and neurological functions. You can find Omega 3 fatty acids in almonds, walnut oil, walnuts and flax seed oil. You can also get Omega 3s from two servings of fish per week. Any more than that puts you at risk of consuming too much mercury and other toxins. Pharmaceutical grade fish oil is one of the best sources of this supplement because it is free from mercury and is quickly absorbed in the system. If you are taking this supplement in capsule form, it is important to not consume more than 2 grams a day to be within the daily requirement.

Pradip Jamnadas, MD, MBBS, FACC, FSCAI, FCCP, FACP Is an interventional cardiologist in Orlando, FL with a diverse patient base of more than 42,000 people. He lectures around the world on how your self awareness can add years to your life.

I’m not sure how and I’m not sure why, but sometime after giving birth to my first child in 1997, I developed an overwhelming feeling that I was going to get cancer. Not just any cancer, but specifically breast cancer. And not just breast cancer, but specifically cancer of the right breast. I had never had any problems with my breasts. I had always received a normal result on my mammograms and I had no family history of the disease or other risk factors. As an OB/GYN, I am extremely practical when it comes to health and I could not fit this inner voice into my logic and science-based approach to medicine, but it persisted.

Seven years passed and something told me not to doubt that little message in my head. I used it to motivate me (even physicians need a little extra push sometimes) to perform self-breast examinations and to have mammograms. Gradually, I began to realize that this was a time when my patient’s experiences might help guide me through any resistance to careful self care. After years in the doctor’s chair, I had the feeling that I was about to experience what so many of my patients felt from time to time. In the process, I learned volumes about the connection between my relationship with myself, my body, and my ability to heal.

I also recalled the heartbreaking story of a former patient, Kaye. I thought back to the day that Kaye, a wife and mom in her early 50s, sat in my office with an obvious abnormality but she was in denial. She did her best to chat about another, unrelated gynecological issue for most of her visit until I finally interrupted her and said Kaye, what is going on with your chest? She had a huge abnormal protrusion from her chest that was so big it rested on her lap. She then burst into tears, admitting that something was obviously wrong. An examination revealed that her right breast was 10 times its natural size, flaming red and hot to the touch yet she had managed to ignore her condition for months out of fear. She was terrified of extensive treatment, the possible changes that might come with a major illness, or even losing her life.

Sadly, tests showed that Kaye had a very advanced case of breast cancer that took her life five months later. Perhaps the most tragic part of Kaye’s story was the fact that her breast could not have changed so radically in a short period of time. It was clear that she had delayed treatment for several months because she was terrified of knowing the truth. She’d refused to listen to her body and her own inner voice, and yet that terror had put her at risk.

As fate would have it, while in Las Vegas, celebrating my 44th birthday and 10th wedding anniversary, I said to my husband, “I think I’ve found a small lump.”
He is also an OB/GYN so I valued his opinion. This lump was in my right breast, in an area just under my skin and felt to be the size of a gun pellet. It was hard, smooth, round, mobile and not causing any skin changes or enlarged nodes in my underarm. It was not painful. I wondered if this was finally it, the thing I dreaded but knew in my heart was coming.

Being sensible OB/GYNs, my husband and I decided to watch the lump for one menstrual cycle, hoping that if it were a cyst, it would simply go away. We waited. It didn’t budge. After a series of mammograms, other tests and a biopsy, I was diagnosed with invasive cancer. But thanks to my vigilant exams, it was found while it was extremely small (6mm). Once again, my inner voice told me that the best course was a complete bilateral mastectomy (the removal of both breasts).

Even though I am a surgeon, I was just like anyone else who gets a diagnosis of cancer. I feared for my life and for the future of my two beautiful sons. What could be worse for children than to lose their mother while they were young? This was a sickening thought and I had to try to
forget it. I focused all of my energy on finding the right doctors and getting well. I had no intention of letting this horrible invader take my life, threaten my children’s happiness or take me from my husband. Today, I also understand that I am lucky. I am healthy, but not every breast cancer survivor’s story ends like mine.

Still when all was said and done I thought about my patients, and women everywhere: How many of us, I wondered, stay connected to our inner voice? We spend so much time and energy taking care of everyone else that we fail to take the best care of ourselves. We forget we cannot have the relationships we desire with the people we love if we are not healthy and whole.

You may not think you have an audible, determined inner voice as I did, but when your body experiences symptoms and show signs of illness, trust me, that voice is there. Make sure you allow yourself to hear all that it has to say. In most cases, breast cancer, when caught in the very early diagnostic stages, is always treatable and almost always curable. That’s why mammograms, self exams and being sensitive to your body can save your life. It’s even more important if women in your immediate family, such as your mom or siblings have the disease because you’re at higher risk. The next time your body tells you something is not right, listen carefully. It’s not hard science, it’s common sense.

Tammy McCarus, M. D., is an obstetrician and gynecologist in private practice in Orlando, Fla. She is also the president of the Florida OB/GYN Society.

Material from the A-II Checklist copyright 2004 by Western Psychological Services. Format adapted by The Healing Continuum Inc., for specific, limited clinical use under license of the publisher, WPS, 12031 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90025, U.S.A. (www.wpspublish.com). No additional reproduction, in whole or in part, by any medium or for any purpose, may be made without the prior, written authorization of WPS. All rights reserved.

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1. How does the body’s metabolism function?

The foods that we eat are broken down in the intestinal track then transported by the blood stream to the various organs and tissues. The chemical reaction that breaks the food down and converts it to the energy or fatty acid needs of the body. This whole system is called metabolism.

2. What are the conditions that slow the bodies metabolism?
Aging is a factor due to the loss of muscle tissue. We know that muscle such as the heart, legs diaphragm, lungs and the gastro-intestinal track require a tremendous amount of energy. Eating too little food can slow down your metabolism. Excessive sugar consumption with low protein intake can also negatively affect your metabolism. Finally a disfunctioning thyroid can also slow down your metabolism.

3. How does one observe their metabolism to see if it is slow or fast?

One way this can be determined is if you are maintaining the same amount of calories and you lose weight or gain weight. This will gage if your metabolism has gone up or down. Changes in weight and body composition can also determine if your metabolism is fast or slow. If you gain inches but still maintain the same weight, this maybe an indication that you are losing body muscle therefore your metabolism has slowed down.
4. How does one figure out which diet is best for them?

The best way is to sit down with a nutritionist or registered dietician to figure out what your body needs. The dietician could help you figure out which foods give you the most energy. Not every person reacts the same way to every food. You may find that eating a certain way or certain time of day will give you more energy. If you notice that you have become more fatigued or have more issues concentrating, maybe something has changed in your diet. Keeping a food log will help you determine if you may be missing fruit and vegetables from you diet or maybe you need to increase your protein consumption. This will also tell you if you are not eating frequently enough which helps keep your body fueled for your daily activities.
5. How many meals should one consume in a day?

You should consume at least three meals and one to three snacks. Every four hours people should be putting something into their mouth. Usually people have a big lag in time between lunch and dinner. Most people avoid eating a snack at this time and then they overeat at dinner eating a large dinner or eating later into the evening may cause problems with sleep and will also cause weight gain.

6. What nutrients actually help the body to burn fat?

Protein foods help burn fat. This is one of the reasons that the Akins diet has been so successful. However in that diet you are not getting some other essential nutrients your body needs to be at its best. Studies have shown the CLA which stands for Conjugated Linoelic Acid helps you burn abdominal body fat. L-Carnitine is a compound that is necessary to transport fatty acids, which is the breakdown component of fat, within the cells so they can be used for fuel. Green tea extract has also been shown to have positive effects on fat.

7. Explain the importance of protein in our diet.

Our bodies are all protein, as an example muscle hair, nails, bones, immune system cells, DNA are all made up of protein. This all points to the importance of protein. You should have a protein intake at breakfast, lunch and dinner. For people who are exercising, within the first hour of exercise you should have some intake of protein. protein shake would be good at this time. Also make sure you get enough of good healthy fat Pumpkin seeds, raw almonds, sunflower seeds and pistachios are also good for giving your body the good fat. It needs to survive.
8. What food combinations should we avoid? (Soda, processed foods, and why)

Soda changes your body pH. Without optimal pH our body can die. When you consume soda the body needs to create an acid environment to increase the acidity, minerals are pulled from your bones to create a good pH in the body. Soda intake can lead to bone loss.

Artificial sweeteners are also not well tolerated by our body. Processed foods deliver no health benefits. Those clients who eat the frozen meals all the time end up complaining about hunger and they are not satisfied because as human beings we are meant to have a variety of tastes and different foods and these foods all tend to taste alike. They also can deplete your body of nutrients because they have additives and coloring agents which some bodies do not tolerate. You could be sensitive to these additives and they can cause a variety of symptoms, like a stuffy nose or headaches. The additive MSG is in many processed foods. This additive has been known to cause headaches.

9. What vitamin supplements should one use as a teen, 20′s, 30′s and beyond?

Teenagers should take a good multivitamin. Women at an early age need to be taking in calcium For females it is important to address calcium needs because until age 35 is when we maintain bone health and in the teen years we maximize bone density. That is why it is important to take in foods high in calcium.

High calcium foods include dairy produces and green leafy vegetables. Teens should also avoid soda and artificial sweetener because this takes the calcium out of your bones. b complex may be needed if females in their 20′s are taking birth control pills. These pills delete a lot of the B vitamins. Omega threes is another great supplement. Especially for the heart muscle Omega #3 helps to reduce inflammation and increased brain function and also the heart muscle. More and more young people are ending of with Coronary artery disease. The Omega Threes can help prevent this disease. Iron needs to be checked in females due to menstruation. If it is low, a supplement should be taken. In the 30′s the same type of supplements can be taken with the addition of fiber. Regular bowel movements are so important for the functioning of all vital body functions. Add it into your diet if you are having problems with digestion and constipation. Add in a probiotic. You can find these in yogurt and other yogurt based drinks. They also come in powder and capsules. Probotics are a healthy bacterium which boosts up the immune system. 40′s and beyond digestion can be the issue. As you get older you loose stomach acid a lot of older people are put on acid blockers and this actually interferes with nutrients being absorbed, calcium, B vitamins and zinc.

Co-q 10 also is a good supplement. It is a molecule is body makes. As our body ages, we produce less co- q 10 which affects the function of all the muscles especially the heart muscle.

10. Why is water such an important nutrient?

Water content in our body is very high blood is 90% water, muscle is 75 and bone is 25%. Most of the fluid in our body is inside the cells. If you are dehydrated the cells will not function well. It is also important for acid based balanced in your body. Water helps minerals to become fluid and allows the minerals to be transported throughout the body. Water helps to maintain your blood pressure and is good for waste removal and regulates body temperature. Water is needed for all of the chemical reactions in our bodies and also keeps the fluid in our joints. It’s recommended that you consume eight-8 ounce glasses of water per day. If you find that you are thirsty it means that you have already gone to long without water. Contrary to popular knowledge, it is possible to drink too much water. This occurs more commonly in athletes who perspire a lot. When you work out and perspire you loose great amounts of electrolytes and minerals. At this point drinking large amounts of water will overload your system and further dilute the mineral and electrolyte content in your body which will cause a severe reaction. This term is called water toxicity. The remedy for this loss of minerals and electrolytes over a prolonged period of exercise will be the use of power drinks like Gatorade, Powerade, etc.

11. What nutrients do you recommend for someone looking to begin a weight training regimen?

Fluids are very important in any diet modification especially for weight training. When you train your muscles to get bigger you are actually training them to store more energy in the form of glycogen. When you avoid carbs as in diets like the Adkins diet you reduce glycogen storage in your cells which helps you to lose weight. An important fact to remember is that glycogen molecules also carry water which is also being lost. Water is an essential nutrient for energy and endurance. This is why many dieters seem to not have as much energy if they also do not increase their water intake. Protein intake is also essential for activities and minerals as well. After activity there are different kinds of magnesium that may have different reactions but in general I recommend magnesium after exercise to relax your muscles and calcium is great to start your day for more energy. During intensity work outs your resistance tends to drop so it may be a good thing to also take zinc and vitamin C to boost your immune system.

12.What do you suggest as the ideal diet for someone looking to lose weight?

Typically it’s best to examine your current diet and reduce your calorie intake to reach your target goal weight. Eating too little will actually slow your metabolism, which you do not want to do. It is best that you get a physical exam and seek your doctor’s advice on dieting relative to your overall physical health.

13. Do you have certain recipes that you suggest as healthy meals and snacks?
I do and they will all be published on my website which is currently under development. In the mean time subscribers can call me for consultations and the creation of custom diets with recipes.
14. What are some good suggestions for those suffering from malfunctioning thyroids?

As mentioned in Dr. Kalidas’ Q&A on malfunctioning thyroids, the lab tests ordered by your doctor may yield normal results even though your thyroid is not fully functioning. A good test to determine a malfunctioning thyroid besides the symptoms mentioned by doctor Kalidas would be to use to keep a thermometer by your bed. Each morning before getting out of bed for about 15 days take your basal body temperature and keep a log of the readings. If your basal body temperature is consistently well below normal which is 98.6, this may be another tell tale sign for the need of further testing of your thyroid.

Rukhsana Shanbhag, MS, RD, CDE, LD/N, CCN
Rukhsana Shanbhag is a registered dietitian, certified diabetes educator and certified clinical nutritionist who teaches consumers about creating healthier lifestyles through improved nutrition and behavior modification. She is a graduate of New York Medical College. She conducts workshops around the country on weight management, diabetes management, nutrition for cardiac rehabilitation, nutrition for seniors and nutrition for addiction rehabilitation. For private consultation and custom diet preparation Rukhsana can be reached via e-mail at SRUKHSANA@aol.com or 407-671-7123.

Taking the Mystery out of Minerals

Even the most diligent healthy eater may get confused when it comes to figuring out how to add minerals to a balanced diet. Your body’s mineral needs shift dramatically as you age, research and recommendations appear to change constantly and it’s tough to determine the mineral content of a wide variety of foods. But understanding just how and when to be concerned about your mineral intake is a critical part of maintaining total mind and body health.

Some minerals are needed in large amounts, for example, while others are needed in very small amounts; they work as structural components and regulate body processes. As you go about your daily routine, your nerves transmit messages and your muscles contract without you giving it a second thought, in part, because the minerals in your body are hard at work

Minerals have traditionally been divided into major minerals, or those needed in an amount of 100mg. per day, or present in the body in amounts greater than 0.01 percent of body weight. And trace minerals, those that are only needed in the amount of 100mg. or less per day, or 0.001 percent or less of body weight. It would be great if we could get all of the minerals we need from food, but current farm practices in the United States have depleted the soil, resulting in plants that are often severely deficient in the minerals we need. Carefully supplementing your diet is the best way to compensate. The Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) Recommended Daily Intake (RDI), may be sufficient for healthy individuals, but it may be too low for others. Pregnant or nursing mothers, women experiencing heavy periods and people with other health problems may need higher doses of minerals such as iron or calcium. In addition, as we age, our ability to absorb nutrients is diminished by an age-related reduction in stomach acids. Many adults over 60 years old are on some form of acid-reducing drugs that may reduce their ability to absorb many nutrients. Other drugs may also deplete the body’s mineral supplies.

Mineral deficiencies are hard to detect at first, so it’s important to recognize the warning signs. A few months of inadequate iron intake, for example, can cause a decrease in the number and size of red blood cells, reducing the blood’s capacity to deliver oxygen, leaving you exhausted and weak. Calcium deficiencies are also common, even though our grocery store aisles are jam-packed with yogurt, cheese, milk and tasty calcium-enriched products. This could be due to the acidifying affects of dairy foods. They can pull minerals like calcium and magnesium from the bones, which is the largest repository of calcium and magnesium in the body, even when we think we’re eating the proper amount to protect ourselves from bone loss and eventually osteoporosis.

Other common health practices may interfere with bone health. The use of sunscreens reduces the incidence of skin cancer, but also reduces the ability of the skin to manufacture vitamin D, important in bone development.

Keeping watch on every mineral is difficult and probably unnecessary. Here’s what you need to know about Mother Nature’s mineral all-stars to keep your body and mind running smoothly.

Calcium is important to the health of every man, woman and child at every stage of life. It’s a defense against bone loss, tooth loss, hypertension, colon cancer, kidney stones and is involved in the contraction of muscles. Studies show it also contributes to proper fat metabolism and is therefore an important part of any diet plan. Calcium deficiency in older adults may be due to a low intake, poor absorption, or a zinc deficiency. Calcium deposits in the arterial wall can result if absorption is poor. Medications can also cause problems. Too much thyroid medication can lead to bone loss by excessive excretion of calcium. Other medications such as tetracycline and corticosteroids can interfere with calcium absorption. High doses of calcium may be a factor in magnesium, iron, and zinc deficiency though, so keep a watchful eye on your intake. RDA (SPELL OUT)- males: 800mg/day; females: 100mg/day. Optimum daily intake is 500-1200mg/day. Food sources: dairy products, milk, yogurt and cheeses, cooked collard and turnip greens, cooked spinach, lentils, sardines with bones, firm tofu.

Iodine is closely associated with the thyroid gland and its functioning. Recently iodine deficiency has also been linked to cancers of the breast, certain brain disorders, and estrogen metabolism. The breast tissue is one of the main storage sites of iodine, followed by the ovaries, which have the second highest concentration of iodine, and the thyroid gland. Environmental pollutants may be affecting our current iodine needs. Bromide, fluoride and some pesticides displace iodine in the body and may be a reason for the higher rates of hypothyroidism we see today. Too much iodine can be a problem, so you should ask your physician to test your levels before you start supplementing your diet. The best test is a urine analysis. A range of .02-0.4mcg/ mg creatinine CQ ON SPELLING is the desired test result range. Frequent monitoring at regular intervals is recommended to adjust the amounts supplemented. Supplements should include both iodine and iodide. RDA-150ug./day Food sources: Seafood, dried kombu, arame, kelp, dulce, haddock cod, sardines, and other seafood.

Magnesium plays a very important role not only in bone building but also in regulation of blood pressure, energy production, muscle relaxation and nerve impulse conduction. Magnesium deficiencies can lead to disturbances in heart rhythm and poor bone growth and repair. It also helps fuel the body’s energy stores. Magnesium deficiencies may leave you nervous or fatigued. Medications that may cause magnesium deficiency include prescription drugs such as thiazides, antibiotics, chemotherapeutic drugs, cyclosporins, corticosteroids, and asthma medications. Laxatives and alcohol may also deplete the level of magnesium in the body. To give your magnesium absorption a boost, make sure you get sufficient levels of vitamin B-6. RDA males: 350mg/day; females: 80mg/day Optimal daily intake: 600-800mg/day. Higher doses may cause diarrhea in some individuals. Magnesium glycinate is usually better tolerated than the oxide or citrate forms. Food sources: Soybean flour, buckwheat, beans, black-eyed peas, medium figs, collard greens, fresh spinach, watermelon, among many others.

Selenium is needed to make glutathione peroxidase which is responsible for detoxification in the body. It may be an important inhibitor of various cancers, and the conversion of thyroid hormone to its active form. Selenium has been linked to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS, but too much selenium, which has a narrow range of requirement, can lead to liver, skeletal and muscle damage. RDA- 55-70mcg. Optimum daily intake 200-300mcg. Food sources: Brazil nuts, snapper, salmon, halibut, oats, brown rice, garlic, wheat germ.

Zinc is involved in the synthesis of cholesterol, protein and fat. It is an antioxidant co-factor for the body’s free radical scavenger system (super oxide dismutase) that prevents cell damage. Insulin function requires zinc; and it supports immune function. Lots of recent research have proven that zinc supplementation can also reduce the duration and severity of colds. In the elderly, the loss of taste perception may be related to a zinc deficiency. RDA- 15mg/day. Optimum daily intake- 30-50mg/day Food sources: Oysters, wheat germ, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, mustard greens.

These are the key minerals your body needs to stay healthy but remember, your needs will change with time. Keep a close watch on your diet and the symptoms of deficiency and don’t forget to ask your doctor to keep you up to date on the latest research on minerals and nutrition.