By: Clinton Sims, Ph.D.

Q: How does a person know when his or her anger is becoming a problem?
A: The National Institute of Mental Health reports that anger or anger-related disorders affect nearly 16 million people. It’s sometimes difficult for people to see they have a problem with anger but there are several, important clues. A person’s anger may be out of control if friends and family try to avoid them. If a person finds that his or her tirades shut people down. Or, if people find themselves in verbal or physical altercations in many settings work, home, school, or among friends, they are having problems managing their anger. People in this state tend to jeopardize jobs and relationships.

The first step to change is awareness, then acceptance that anger is a problem. Self help includes: Attempting to manage anger with techniques such as walking away, deep breathing, or practicing meditation. If this does not work, seek the help of a mental health professional.

Q: When people constantly want to be isolated from friends or family, is that the beginning of a social phobia?
A: Social phobia is a form of anxiety disorder. It is basically a fear of being in situations in which a person must interact with other people. Activities such as speaking to strangers or even leaving a comfort zone like the home can become very difficult for someone suffering with social anxiety. It can also affect people in all parts of life from children to adults.

We live in a society that focuses on the willingness and the ability to interact with others, but there are people that thrive very well in somewhat isolated situations. But the desire for isolation may be a problem if it’s a change in a person’s typical behavior. Social phobias can sometimes go hand in hand with depression, but if a person finds that he or she cannot work, spend time with others, or endure any sort of stimulating situation, there is a problem. Symptoms such as these are generally too difficult to treat with self help; group of individual therapy is usually needed.

Q: When people feel disconnected even from loved ones–can they learn to become emotionally intimate?
A: When people find themselves unable to communicate with others, to share their feelings and most intimate thoughts, they have poor intimacy skills. People who can’t get close to others may also find they are extremely lonely because other people cannot connect with them as either. They may also find they alienate loved ones and potential friends. Living with an inability to become emotionally intimate can make life seem cold, insensitive, uncaring and have a negative impact on a person’s physical health.

Therapists understand these problems most often develop as a result of early childhood relationships that were devoid of intimacy or emotional attachment. Or a significant life event could have occurred in a childhood or adolescent relationship that could have led to a problem. The first significant heartbreak or situation in which someone feels rejected may also lead to adult intimacy problems.

Becoming more intimate with others takes action, but people should start small. Attempt to demonstrate affection through hugs. Practice attentive listening; make eye contact and truly engage in a conversation. Work to show a real interest in others. People who can work through these small steps and begin to work on larger issue such as forgiveness can eventually learn to develop close, healthy relationships.

Q: What’s the difference between being unhappy and clinically depressed?
A: This is a question that society is increasingly no longer asking. We’ve become heavily influence by pharmeceautical marketing. People now believe if they are sad or unhappy, they are seriously depressed, and should take medication. True clinical depression rears its head when you are unable to function, unable to perform your activities of daily living: such as keeping a clean home, getting out of bed, eating and sleeping.

Real depression is not a few weeks of sadness, it seriously interferes with a person’s life and relationships. The antidote to non-clinical depression is activity working to get back to a daily routine and feeling a sense of accomplishment. It also helps when people shield themselves from negative influences and negative people and do things that bring them pleasure. Many people are quick to seek anti-depressants, but depression can resolve itself over time. Medication should be a last resort.